Intentional Self-Care: A Wholistic View On Life
This blog post has been, in some iteration, in my drafts since last summer. I find it challenging to give personal care advice, because everyone, their situation, personality and needs, will be different. I’m a big believer in the fact that there isn’t a one size fits all solution to self care. You definitely won’t find it in the isles of a retail store, I can promise you that. But there are some good rules of thumb for caring for our human needs and a few basics that I swear by - and hopefully you will find them as helpful as I have.
Schedule Consistent Time Off.
But what I like doing best is Nothing." "How do you do Nothing?" asked Pooh, after he had wondered for a long time. "Well, it's when people call out at you just as you're going off to do it, What are you going to do Christopher Robin, and you say, Oh, nothing, and you go and do it." "Oh, I see," said Pooh. "This is a nothing sort of thing that we're doing right now." "Oh, I see," said Pooh again. "It means just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear and not bothering. - A.A. Milne, The House at Pooh Corner
In our busy, busy world it is genuinely hard to take time off. Some cultures have a better grasp of this than others (like the Spanish siesta), but America has truly taken the “daily grind” to new heights. Things like sitting quietly, or going for a walk are luxuries in our modern lives - activities that once were commonplace occurrences just a century ago. However the loss of quiet moments of nothingness in our lives has lead to the collective realization of just how critical it is to our wellbeing. The “grind” negates our ability to thrive and innovate - we, as a global community of human beings, are exhausted, and its undercutting our ability to actually produce anything of value.
For the past 3 years I have had a standing scheduled “personal day” for meeting my individual needs, once a week. Sometimes I don’t actually get a full day, sometimes its more like an hour or two (aka nap-time) of genuine self-care, but I never sacrifice the time off even if it’s minimal. I like the regular-ness of that, the rhythm of it - a day where I am reminded to take care of myself, and that is the only priority (outside of basics with the kids/home). It typically consists of pretty mundane things like washing hair, napping, making myself a nice lunch, watching a show that feeds my brain while the kids nap, and doing a frozen or takeout dinner (more on food in the next section) with minimal prep/clean up - nothing extravagant, but it meets my needs & gives me a break from the grind. What I love about this is that it has become a part of our family’s rhythm too - my husband & kids know that the “day of rest” is coming - where the engine of our life slows for 12hrs and we put recuperation first. We snuggle, we stay home, we don’t work on projects, we take long naps, maybe we have a treat (like bake a batch of brownies) - my “personal day” evolved into a familial “day of rest”, and I love that! I love that my children will grow up with a rhythmic reminder to slow down, and take care of their needs too. For now, this day is usually mid-week - as a WFHM, and with children not in full-time school yet, this is what works best. In the future this day will probably move, and adjust to accommodate our lives, and thats the point! The point is the intentional slow down in the rhythms of your life - whatever stage of life you are in.
And as for being productive - the day after my “day off” is always highly productive & creatively inspired, because taking care of yourself pays you back in dividends.
Eat food you’re excited about.
"People who love to eat are always the best people."
- Julia Child
Most people, especially my children’s pediatricians, are always surprised to learn how culturally & nutritionally rich and varied our diet is as a family. This is no accident - Richard & I made a decision early on that food, good soul-enriching food, was going to be a priority in our home from day 1. Both of us separately and now together, are the kind of people that just don’t want to eat sad (aka bad) food. Whats the point? I’m not going to pantry-shame anyone here, but there are lots of just average (usually modern processed garbage) food that people eat on a daily basis without thinking twice. But once you’ve eaten better, you can’t ever go back. And the beauty of it is that BETTER food doesn’t automatically equal more expensive (in fact usually just the opposite), but it does mean going back to what we ate before industrialization and remembering how our ancestors fed themselves for centuries.
Any dietician will tell you that the more colorful & layered your diet is, the better for you physically. And, you want in on a secret? It tastes better too. All the old recipes are layered medleys of vegetables, whole carbs, fruits, proteins, herbs & spices, acids & dairy - that was on purpose! If a salad seems sad to you, try throwing in dried fruit & nuts, creamy cheeses and caramelized onions, and then tell me your mouth isn’t watering. Get excited about the food you eat and I promise you’ll feel filled with less & more nutritionally satisfied.
Start with skincare first.
Feeling confident, being comfortable in your skin - that's what really makes you beautiful.
- Bobbi Brown
I’ve had several lovely people ask me to share my makeup routine or my perspective on beauty. I have been too embarrassed to tell them, I actually do very little! However, I DO put a huge priority in taking care of my skin. I’m also a mom of young children - which means you can guarantee my skincare routine is quick, impactful & affordable. When it comes to skincare, and any dermatologist will back me up on this, the number one priority is HYDRATION. Thats right - hydration, not moisturizer necessarily. Hydration means WATER. Moisturizer is like lotion, it locks in the hydration but it can’t add any hydration on its own. The reason you don’t hear about this from skincare brands is because they can’t sell you hydration. The harsh soaps & cleansers we use today, powder cosmetics, along with pollution in our air, dries out & strips our skin (especially our delicate facial skin) of all moisture and natural oils. Depending on your skin type (dry to oily) you might think that sounds crazy, but things like fine lines & acne are signs that your skin is attempting to deal with a lack of hydration in its own (albeit annoying) way.
How do you hydrate your skin? Well, don’t wipe off all the water on your face after you wash it, let it soak into your skin. Drink more water! I am the absolute worst on this one, but I try to do better every day. Finally, my favorite one, a regular ICE WATER FACIAL. I do an ice water facial once a week, sometimes more if needed, and it is the best thing! I am being completely serious - a free bowl of ice water is better for your face than hundreds of dollars in products & botox. Try it, you will be floored. For centuries cold therapies have been used to treat all kinds of pain & inflammation, and can ease feelings of stress & anxiety, boost dopamine and promote better sleep - not to mention deeply hydrate and stimulate natural collagen production. Convinced yet?
Also, while we’re on the note of ice water baths - try it on your hair too. Roughly early last summer, I started soaking my hair in the same ice water I had used for my facial and the transformation has been astounding. My hair now has better luster, is less prone to frizz & damage, and hasn’t needed a trim in a year! Sometimes the simplest things are truly the BEST THINGS.
Note: I have how-to reels posted on IG on how I do my ice bath facial if you’re interested in more detail.
sleep is probably the answer.
“A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor’s book.”
- Irish Proverb
There is an annoyingly high amount of physical, mental, emotional, and hormonal needs that are typically a sign you need MORE SLEEP. Again, as a mom of littles I know how unrealistic this can feel. However most of us probably didn’t have great sleep habits before parenthood anyway (I’ve never seen worse sleep habits than those of college freshman), so it is worth considering how you can stay more regular & make better sleep a priority. I’m going to skip giving detailed advice about bedtimes, sleep/wake cycles, lights out curfews and screen time, because every person & household is different and I would never presume to suggest a one-size fits all solution. I just wanted to remind you that, whatever you are struggling with, better sleep will probably help resolve.
take care of your mind too.
“Reading furnishes the mind only with materials of knowledge; it is thinking that makes what we read ours.”
- John Locke
I hesitate saying this, because I don’t want it to come off as another to-do to worry about - saying “use your brain” also feels like the opposite of “doing nothing” and relaxing, but they are both equally important. Our minds are a bit like muscles, and they get tired and a little rusty just like everything else if neglected. Back in school they had this educational term called “critical thinking”; meaning the ability to rationalize and think critically about something in a fair & productive way. We were required to read diversely, to engage in fact-based analysis, and look for creative solutions to problems - all of that “school work” gave us the tools to be critical thinkers.
Once we become adults our lives can get extremely repetitive & mundane - we wake up too early, eat the same food, field the same dumbed-down toddler questions, hear the same toddler shows all day or do the same boring desk work, then finally crash at home and scroll the instant gratification & social discord competing online before falling asleep too late. However, in order to think critically about our own lives, actions and the world around us, it is imperative to not lose the ability to work those mental muscles and continue to grow and expand our perspectives. What does that look like when you are raising small children in this mad busy world? Read a book, in fact read a book that challenges you, that teaches you or exposes you to something new. Turn on a documentary while you fold laundry, or listen to a debate on your commute. If you are struggling with a health issue or are curious about your child’s physical development, go read the medical journal articles on it (they are published online)! Some or all of these examples might not apply to you specifically, but the fundamental message is the same - find ways to exercise your mind and all aspects of your life will benefit from it.
Get outside & move your body.
"Nature is not a place to visit, it is home."
- Gary Snyder
It might surprise you that I’m not actually a workout girl. I take physical exercise on a need by need basis - sometimes my body needs more, sometimes it needs less or different forms of exercise & movement. However the fundamental constants are: get outside in the sunshine & move my body. There is lots of great research out there about the benefits of sunlight and physical movement for mental, emotional, and hormonal support - definitely check them out!
All in all, I hope this was a useful list of tips & ideas that might help you in your day to day life. I know my views on self-care is fairly different from the run of the mill spa day or bubble bath, but they are more focused on longterm consistent care & wholistic health.
- Noelle W.
